Platinum Spas interviews MAFS Shona Manderson

With the most recent series of Married At First Sight UK gracing our screens this month, Platinum Spas caught up with MAFS 2023 star, Shona Manderson. We discussed Shona’s wellbeing routine, the importance of self-care, how she feels about her experience on TV, and what advice might have for this year’s cohort.

Just keep on reading to discover the full interview!

What are your current everyday physical and mental wellbeing techniques and rituals? 

So my main ones are listing, journaling, and collecting my thoughts on paper because my mind can run wild. So I wake up and think, ‘Right, what’s today? What’s the priority?’ And then let’s order it.

I always appreciate a little moment of gratitude, I always find that whenever I’m feeling a little bit stressed, a little bit overwhelmed, just doing a little bit of gratitude and thinking, ‘What’s positive right now?’ can really help. I think, ‘Who is in your life? What is coming your way?’ and that just keeps me in check. 

Also, movement, even if it is just going for a dog walk or just doing a little bit of stretching in the morning. Due to work, I need to get up and I just need to move because I don’t have a nine to five. I don’t really have a schedule, I’m a freelancer, so I always must set my alarm, and be very disciplined with going to bed early, which can be tricky because I’m such a night owl at heart.  

Are there any specific exercise routines that you live by? 

My top one would be running because it’s so good for my mental health.  

Yoga changed my life since I started practising. A lot of people think that ‘I can’t go to yoga because I want to go to a workout class,’ but yoga is an amazing workout for the mind! 

Recently, I’ve started lifting a lot more weights in the gym and that just gives me a great pump that makes me feel good, which I never ever thought years ago I would do. 

How do you incorporate nutrition into your wellbeing? 

I just make sure that I’m eating a lot of colourful food, I try not to focus too much on nutrition because in the past, I have focused way too much on this, I was in a bad habit of calorie counting.  

So, if my food is colourful, I know it’s healthy. I know what makes me feel good and digests well in my body. I’m all about how does it sit in my tummy as well.

I don’t like stuff that’s too heavy, so I try to eat more mindfully, colourfully, and not focus on anything like, ‘Oh, this has got this amount in or this amount,’ because I get way too overwhelmed with that stuff and I know what makes me feel good. I hate cooking, but I know poke bowls will take me like 10 minutes, and I love them every time.  

Are there any snacks or naughty treats that you can’t live without? 

Yeah, white chocolate cookies, the squidgy ones from Sainsbury’s! I’m that personal – I’ll pick up the packet and I’ll squeeze it first, if it’s not up to my standard then I’ll put them back, which I just realised isn’t very polite. I have just discovered a white chocolate Biscoff bar in my local Co-op and hardly anyone’s tried it. I feel like it’s there just for me, and that’s my favourite. 

Are you working towards any physical wellbeing goals right now? Have you got any targets? 

So I’ve just done a marathon in April, which was amazing. And I think when you complete something so big like that, you realise you can need a bit of a break from fitness. I was slightly injured too, and don’t want to push myself too hard. 

I’ve shifted my mindset from working out to lose weight to working out because I want to know what I can achieve – How fast can I run? How heavy can I lift?  

When I did the marathon, I noticed I gained weight and I had to really sit with myself and think, ‘OK, that’s fine, I am strong, I’m running marathons, for God’s sake!’ 

I put the weight on because I was fuelling my body for the runs. So I’m really working on my mindset from weight loss goals to fitness goals and I’m starting a plan with my personal trainer now which focuses on my lifting. This is my goal because I used to fear weights. I used to think weights weren’t for me and that the gym was only worth it if I got a good sweat on, but with weights, you absolutely can! 

With weights you can’t really compare to the runner’s high, there’s nothing like it. When I run, I don’t know about you, but I like singing so loud down the street, you feel like you’re a character in a movie. I feel so powerful when I run, it’s such a good feeling. 

Are there any mental or physical myths that you can debunk or any recommendations you can make for people not to do so?  

I would debunk that weightlifting leads to bulking, especially for women. It takes a lot of work and dedication to build hench muscles. So don’t think you’re just going to do it overnight. 

People have said to me, ‘I can’t run.’ A lot of it is in your mind; you can run for a bit, and you can walk for a bit, and this helps to build your pace up. Everyone thinks you must be a natural runner. That is a myth and lie, I will debunk that now. Just go out, get some good running shoes and give it a go. 
 
As someone who was on MAFS, what would you say are the main things you need to get through the show until the end? 

I would say your own time. Don’t forget that everyone has their things that keeps them in check. Whether that’s ‘I just need to go take 10 minutes on my own, go for a walk, I need to journal, I need to go to the gym, I need to make sure that I’m eating three meals a day and this is what’s good for my body.’ Just don’t forget it! 

Keep on top of your self-care, don’t neglect it. It’s a very testing environment, you don’t know who you’re going to be with, so you need to make sure that you’re on top form. When I was there, I did so much journaling. I think that’s the most journaling I’ve ever done in my whole entire life.  

As you’re constantly being filmed on the show, how did you prioritise your own well-being? Was there much opportunity for time to yourself or did you just constantly feel that you’re always being watched, you’re always in the spotlight? 

Yes, you have one day a week that you had off fully from filming, but in my personal journey on MAFS I was only there for three weeks. I had quite a lot of downtime because of the situation that I was in, so there was a lot of times where we were filming and then they would say, ‘Oh, no, we’re not going to film it today because of the situation.’ Which meant I had time to go to the gym, but also there was a lot of time we had to wait for a welfare person to be able to come to the gym with you. So you had your freedom, but it was never on your own schedule. 

Did you feel like you could be your complete self while the cameras were on? 

So I have never been on TV before and when I first went on camera, I was always thinking, ‘I work with kids,’ my kids are going to watch this, so I was very aware of the children.  

Likewise with my family, I wanted to show the best version of myself. I was myself, but perhaps a more angelic version. Obviously, I was not going to swear, but my mum made a point of telling me beforehand, ‘Please do not swear.’

You are aware, and even more so when you’re in a testing environment with someone you don’t know well at all. As a result of the challenging situation I was in, I was still conscious that the cameras were on. I was also aware that his family and friends would be watching and didn’t want to confront him in a way that would out him for what he was. It can be difficult if you’re having an argument with someone in front of the crew, but then you think, ‘Oh god, what will everyone watching think?’

Were you given any advice before you entered the show? 

They said it could be like a major high or it could be a major low and you just need to be so prepared for that. I was going on this show with no expectation for who I was going to marry, I just thought that he was going to be the love of my life. I had that very feeling in my body. I was not going on this show to better my career or anything. I was going on the show to find the love of my life, which I did in the end. It did work out, and I felt it so strongly in my body. I can’t even describe to you like I was visualising it. And the person I was visualising was basically Matt, and I got him.  

What would you say were your favourite parts of the show? Are there any highlights? 

My favourite part of the show was meeting my partner Matt. I just thought, ‘Wow, this is a beautiful story, such a happy ending.’ I have taken so many positives from my experience. As hard as it was, I have amazing friendships. 

I did really enjoy the beginning because of the wedding, and going to the Maldives, staying in a king size villa, it was like a movie.  

Those memories aren’t tainted for me because of the person my partner turned out to be. Those memories are still great, and I will always remember them. So yeah, lots of positives.

What was your process to deal with the emotional toll of the show? 

I felt a lot of guilt when I spoke about what had happened. That was why we got sent home, and I was so worried at first. And now, like, when I’ve removed myself and I’ve gone through that journey, that was 100% the right thing to do. Speaking out and having therapy massively helped.  

As well as focusing on my self-development, my self-love, and my self-worth, I went on the biggest self-love journey of my life, which is so good. I enjoyed going on that journey and when I was getting higher and higher, I was like, ‘Yes, come on!’ It’s a journey that I’m going to continue to be on forever. You’re going to keep riding the wave of how you view yourself, and if that situation ever comes my way again, that I just know how to deal with it. And it’s not something that’s within me. It’s them. 

What advice would you give to any new couples going into the show? 

I would say go in with an open heart, open mindset. It’s an incredible opportunity. You could truly meet the love of your life and some incredible friends. You learn so much about yourself, but in that process, protect yourself. Have a level of protection for you and keep up with your self-care, and don’t get too carried away and remember your life at home. Remember your people, remember that you are loved. I’m not saying to be guarded, but just have a little bit of protection for yourself. 

How did your connection with Matt grow throughout the show and afterwards? Did you know there was something there early on? 

No, I had no clue because I didn’t know who Matt was. When I got sent home, I knew there were new people coming to the show, but I didn’t know who they were. When you’re on MAFS, you’re only allowed a burner phone, so I was texting Laura’s phone – ‘Who are the new people?’ ‘What’s going on?’ ‘Has anyone else been sent home?’ 

I got sent home and I didn’t go back until July. During that time, I went off to Sri Lanka on my own, and after I got back, I went to the reunion. And then this attractive, muscly, sexy guy walks in the room. And I’m like, ‘Who the hell is that?’ So, he comes to sit down to me. I’m like, ‘Who are you?’ That is literally the first time we met.  

Turns out he knew what I looked like. He obviously had heard about me, but I hadn’t seen any of my friends because I went straight to Sri Lanka. I didn’t see Laura. I didn’t see anyone that knew Matt, so no one could tell me there’s this guy on the show. So then he found me on Instagram, and thought I was fit. The way it all worked out was so organic and meant to be. 

What’s life like for anyone that goes on reality TV? Is it a hard adjustment to cope with the extra attention? 

You have a lot of people’s opinions. You can post a photo on Instagram and people will comment on what you look like, and it is weird. Although there’s so much positivity that comes with it too. I think when you go on TV, you just must not be naive in that respect and be aware that people are just going to say things.

People are just doing that because they’re sad, and we know that, but sometimes it is hard when you post a photo and then suddenly people are saying horrible stuff. But you do have the power to just delete those comments. Nobody has ever said anything like that to me in public. I’ve never felt unsafe in public. Everyone that I’ve met in public has always been really kind, so I always say that going on TV as hard as is, has enhanced my life. 

Do you keep in touch with any of the other couples now? What are relationships like post-show? 

The only other couples that are together are Tasha and Paul. So it’s all singletons that we see. But we see most people often. It’s really nice, I see people a lot more than I thought. So, like, Laura, Peggy, Roz, Jay, Paul, Tasha, Sean, and Mark. Honestly, I feel like it’s because we all go to the same events and that we all actively try to see each other.

I’m seeing Jay in a couple of weeks for her birthday and will meet up with Laura and Peggy. It’s nice when you have those kinds of friendships on that level, I was only there for three weeks, but I felt so close to people. 

What advice would you give to people thinking about going on the show?  What can they expect? 

They can expect to learn so much about themselves. I know I keep banging on about that, but it is such a journey because you’re going there, and you’re being presented with somebody you don’t know, and they potentially will challenge you in so many different ways. It may bring out your flaws and things that you need work on. But that’s if you’re prepared to do it. I would say be prepared to do that, see it as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

You may not agree with everything that the experts say to you. You can challenge that, but I do think they are very good at what they do. When I went on there, I thought I had done so much work on myself and was in a good place.  Suddenly I’m presented with someone that challenges that, and now I’m back to where I was years ago, when I had low self-esteem. Don’t fear that, and don’t fear being vulnerable. Just do it.

So you’re in a happy relationship now. What are the key attributes to having that connection? 

I’ve had a lot of partners that were very short lived. The maximum was two years, and being with Matty, I think this could really be the one. He just accepts me for who I am and isn’t trying to change me, isn’t trying to influence me in any way. 

I remember the first time he stayed over, I told him, ‘Matt, I’m really messy,’ and he wasn’t bothered in the slightest. People in the past have had such an issue with it, but he was just cool about it. Same with me, he’s so dopey, so forgetful, but I love that about him. With Matt, we just empower one another.  

When you’re in a relationship, you are in a team, and I feel that for the first time with him. He wants to lift me up and I want to lift him up and we’re on this self-development journey together. We have such a good connection physically, but we also just laugh our heads off all the time and it’s just my best friend. 

What advice would you give to people dealing with a tough situation in a relationship or a tough relationship in general? 

So I think it is trying not to lose yourself in terms of self-care. You really need to take a step back and think, ‘OK, this is taking something away from me now, and this is something I need to work on, and I love myself enough to do that.’  

If it is on that level, then you aren’t alone, and there’s always people there that can support you and charities like Women’s Aid, for example. It’s so tough when you’re in something that is difficult, but speak to people about it.  

What were the key things that have helped you overcome breakups in the past? What helps you move on? 

For me, I’ve always just had this positivity and excitement for life, and I always thought, ‘OK, this is bad right now, but this will pass.’ 

I’ve never been in a position with someone where we’ve broken up and I felt like it wasn’t the right thing to do, I’ve always thought that it was right. I’ve realised it was just two people that weren’t right for each other that are trying to make it work, and then as soon as you step away from it, you’re thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, now I don’t have to be having those conversations all over and over again trying to find a resolution. I can use my time in different ways to work on myself.’  

What do you think constitutes love at first sight and how will people know if they’re experiencing it? 

From my personal experience, I’ve always believed in love at first sight. I’ve always felt its magical. But going through what I’ve been through, I have learnt some lessons. 

You can feel those amazing things, you can have a fabulous connection with someone as soon as you meet them. It’s a frequency you’re on and you’re both feeling it. But I would say from my personal experience now, that it’s something that builds with time. 

You can really admire this person; you can feel infatuated by them with sexual chemistry and all these butterflies. But now, I don’t believe that you can fully love someone as soon as you meet them because you don’t know them. And that is what I have learned. It takes a long time to know somebody, to know their core.

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